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A Health Policy Committee Seminar on
Sexually Abused Children held on
Thursday 14 March 2002
Chaired by
Dilys Went
Independent Consultant and Trainer
in Sex and
Relationship Education
Speakers:
Esther Rantzen OBE - Chair of ‘ChildLine’
Tink Palmer - Barnados Therapeutic Unit
Middlesbrough
Valerie Sheehan - Clinical Therapist
Lucy Faithful Foundation Wolvercote Clinic
A Report by Rosamund Cawte
In December I was invited to join a group at
the Sex Education Forum to discuss the work that is going on around
the country to help sexually abused children and their families. I was very moved by what I heard, especially from Jean Lovie
of Newcastle Social Services, who told us ‘abuse is horrendous’.
Those who are suffering and trying to get help need the words
‘I believe you’ .
As a result this NCW Health Policy Committee
seminar was arranged with the idea of
raising awareness, so that we will listen and believe.
Sexuality is fundamental to the happiness of individuals.
It is about how we express ourselves in ways that are
enjoyable, empowering and respectful, with self-expression and
personal growth within relationships.
Sexual abuse is about lack of control, fear of
pregnancy, and sexually transmitted diseases.
There is humiliation, loss of trust and misuse of
power. It
undermines self-esteem and effects new relationships, maybe causing
life long scaring.
Dilys Went
The Chairman for the meeting, Dilys Went,
spoke of her deep commitment to helping
children understand and communicate about sex.
They must be helped early to develop a vocabulary to aid
communication. Children
are growing up younger. The
atmosphere for sex and relationship education in schools must be comfortable, and children
must not be expected to reveal things about themselves and their
families. Teachers tend
to use soap operas and other stories to highlight examples of sex
and relationship problems in order to retain confidentiality
for actual cases. All schools have a code of confidentiality and all teachers
must be aware of this, and know how to deal with ‘disclosure’.
Tink Palmer
The first speaker after the Chairman's
introduction was Tink Palmer, who works for Barnardo's as Manager in their
Middlesborough Unit, offering assessment and therapeutic intervention
to children and their families where sexual abuse is an issue.
Presently she is funded by the Department of Health, with a
specific brief to develop and implement a strategic response to
abuse of boys and young
men through prostitution. In
2001 she published her report ‘No Son of Mine - Children Abused
Through Prostitution’.
She said that when children disclose abuse the effect can make the whole
family fall apart. The
children must not be made to feel responsible and have to be helped to tell their story,
sometimes, if as young as three or four years old, through a play
therapist. Video
coverage is useful. Children
must be encouraged to disclose, but most are silenced
by fear. The public
must be made aware that it is not ‘Stranger Danger’ or a ‘Flasher in the street’ , but often a family member or friend
that they have to look out for, to keep children safe.
‘Grooming’ of family members by the perpetrator is very common.
Barristers must have training on how to talk to young people,
so they are able to tell the truth and be believed.
Children and their mothers must receive support to enable
them to get through the judiciary process so that perpetrators are
convicted.
Children involved in sexual abuse appear not to want to talk
about the actual sexual issue, but to understand the effect the whole
experience has had upon them, such as their
ability to trust and the blurred feeling it gives them of right and
wrong. Therapists must
address these resulting behaviours and the effects they cause, which
can lead to the breaking of rules, running away, drug and solvent
use, and ‘flash backs’.
The Therapeutic Unit in Middlesbrough is an extremely safe
place, where the staff are valued and are appreciated, to allow the journey back to a normal life to begin for clients.
The same worker should do the therapeutic work all the way
through the experience after the child discloses its experiences.
Professionals must have good supervision and be ‘held
emotionally’.
In child protection work you have to be able to stand up in
Court to say what you are doing and why it works.
Valerie Sheehan
Valerie Sheehan, the second speaker, is a
Clinical Therapist at the Wolvercote Clinic. This clinic treats 26 sex offenders at any one time,
staying usually twelve months to help them control their behaviour.
There is no cure for sex offending.
Sexual arousal is determined physiologically.
Many are aroused by children but will not act on it.
The clinic works with those who do offend, teaching them to
acknowledge their sexual responses and take control of thought
processes. Men think it
does not really hurt the child.
Some men can only have arousal to very young children and
this is difficult to treat. They
are not stupid and they do not get caught.
They work very hard at 'grooming' victims.
Agencies must work together to understand what has been
happening to victims, for example 'Daddy goes quiet, I know how
to make him happy so I go to sit on his lap to make him happy'.
They also work with non-offending partners who often think
the perpetrator is a really lovely guy, a ‘dream man’ who
has worked cleverly through manipulation; for example ‘I will
mind the children while you go and pursue your own interest’.
Different grooming is used for different people, set in place
and arranged so the road is clear for the offender to go on to
abuse. There is still a
fear, but if the Police do not arrive, the perpetrator goes back
into the cycle, thinking, ‘she did enjoy it’, forgetting
that he told her to smile.
Most offenders go back into the community quite soon and want
to change, so as not to harm children again.
The clinic is there to support them, a phone call away, in
the future. The
Wolvercote Clinic is the only place for treatment of perpetrators of
sexual abuse in Europe.
Esther Rantzen
Esther Rantzen OBE, the Founder of ChildLine
was the third speaker. She said that 1.5 million children called ChildLine last year, over
50 per cent having suffered from abuse, often saying ‘I love my father, but
I hate what he does’.
The phone lines are extremely busy, making it very difficult
to get through, but when the phone is answered there is relief that
someone is there to listen, and the tears flow while the child talks
about their distress.
Children now ‘tell’ earlier because we
have made it easier for them. ChildLine
is safe because they do not have to identify themselves and are
believed. If the
perpetrator is finally convicted the child can feel a depth of
hopelessness if Daddy goes to prison, because it has wrecked the
family. Through this
experience a lot of support is needed and ChildLine is there to
help. In the USA the
perpetrator is able to continue his job after signing a confession
and then gets help with supervised access to his children, later
being introduced back into the family.
The Court process for children in this country at the moment
is inappropriate. Something
must be done about the legal system for child witnesses, so they are
believed in Court and not told they are ‘lying’.
ROSAMUND CAWTE
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